I am Chinese

Being Chinese is difficult, the outsiders see us as a race of super smart computing machines. We are naturally gifted in all things academic and all other minority should use us as role models. But being Chinese, I tend to be very critical toward my own people.

There is this book, The Ugly Chinese, by one of my favorite Chinese writers. Of course it was banned in China and very difficult to find in Taiwan or most of the Chinese speaking community. Some people claim it to be self hating and it's just a way to copy the American book, The Ugly American.

My beef with Chinese culture is the strange psychological condition that I like to call "Inferiority Complex". I am not a psychology major so don't flame me for not knowing what I am talking about. Basically, we are tough against our own people, we are good at infighting but when outside force starts to intrude, we crumble like card castle. Chinese people like to beat up on the weak but fear the strong, we don't triumph; we follow the flow. When things go well, we run and claim the glory and when things go bad, we simply run away.

You can see it all over America. Asian girls openly talk about how White guys are better than Asian guys because white guys are more 'muscular' AND 'sensitive' and are willing to settle for less just because of the skin color. Asian guys cry about being abandoned and betrayed by Asian women while secretly eyeing every white women walking by. Chinese shop owners who treat Asian customers like crap but put on their best face and manner when white customers walk into the shop. Students from Taiwan and China feel that they are superior to their counterparts back home just because they are in America. And the examples just go on and on.

I can't say I don't make the mistake so many of my brothers and sisters make, I am as much Chinese as the next FOB in my class. When they look bad, I look bad; I can't separate myself from the rest of the race and culture. I can't, it's a part of me, it's my heritage, and even if it is flawed, I am still proud of who I am.

I can't control the rest of Chinese people, but I can control what I do and who I am. I have this image of how Chinese should be in this day and age and the only thing I can do is to try my best to be that image.