Good Boy

Surprise surprise, this is not a relationship post!

I have been referred as "The goodboy" by my friends for a while now, and I do consider that label a compliment. However, I believe being a good boy is no longer enough for me. There is only one life to live and just being 'good' doesn't seem to be good enough anymore. Anyone can be good, good simply means you are better than average, and that really doesn't say much. Let's face it, the society as a whole has a fairly low standard, average American don't even have a college degree and comparing to the people around the globe, the standard of being average is even lower!

I want to be exceptional, I am no where near when my potential can take me and I am wasting the opportunities that were given to me for no apparent reason. If there is a Creator, my life right now can not be what it intended to be. And for a more selfish reason, I want more in my life, being a better person, learn more, being smarter improve both my physical and mental being.

I need the will power to carry this out, be strong and will myself to become the person I can be, be the person I want to be.

The storm within.. ..

I think my emotion is spinning out of control, nothing like last weekend has ever happened to me before. Was it because of her? or it was something else? Am I thinking too highly of myself? or I am heading down the path I have dreaded for so long? Am I thinking far far far too much for a weekend fling or this is just a way to escape my problems? Did she really like me or it was just alcohol induced 'over-friendliness'? Am I really the person I think I am, or I am just like everyone else?

The problem I have is that I can not overwrite my desire with my will, I don't have enough internal strength to do the right thing. I should be able to seperate what I want from what I need to do, but sometime it's just difficult to do.

Maybe she was right, just let it be, when I feel like to mourn, mourn, when I feel okay, feel okay.. ..

I really like her, and I hope she feels the same way.

Despair

I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt

The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby
(We belong together)

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me
"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
"I only think of you"
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together